What's wrong with you?

One day you start saying no. Perhaps you’re saying no to things you’ve been saying yes to for the longest time, way longer than you can remember. No matter how supportive and caring your friends and family may be, when you make such a change, finally looking carefully at what you want and don’t want, what feels right and what doesn’t, an interesting scenario often ensues. You say no to a request you’ve always said yes to and the people around you, who suddenly don’t get what they’ve always been getting before, can’t believe it. Surely they misheard you. You couldn’t possibly mean “no”, could you?

Saying no and meaning no – staying firm in the face of rebellion – is one of the hardest parts of changing a yes to a no. That first step might be hard, but it’s nothing compared to what follows. Rare are the people who, having enjoyed years or months of the “old you”, immediately understand the switch from yes to no. Few are those who sit down with you and talk things over, finding out about the process of change you’ve been going through. More often than not, when we take steps towards self-care, when we try to be true to ourselves, we’re met by a very heartfelt “what’s wrong with you?”.

It's human to try to resist change, especially change we have absolutely no control over as it’s happening to someone else. “What’s wrong with you?”, is just a way of saying “I don’t want you to change, because it makes me uncomfortable, I just want you to be the person I know, the person you’ve always been”. When we stretch our comfort zones and get to know ourselves better, our near ones and dear ones have to stretch a bit too, by default, or friction follows.

Having mustered up the courage to take the first step, putting our foot down to say no when we’ve always said yes in the past, the most mature in our midst sometimes become the most childish (and the most childish, unsurprisingly remain childish). Tantrums, emotional blackmail, screaming matches and stony silence are all weapons employed to turn a “no” into a “yes” again and very often these strategies succeed – at first – until we’ve had enough practice and are able to stand firm even in the face of repeated attacks.

With change comes loss. Not everyone we love or care about is going to understand these changes, no matter how we try to make ourselves clear, or endeavour to “bring them onboard”. It’s painful to cut ties, but also liberating. Saying no at the right time and meaning it, even if you have to say it 100 times or more, is worth it. It’s every bit as wonderful as saying yes at the right time and meaning that too. There’s nothing wrong with you.