Being yourself and other tricky concepts

Remember what you wanted to be when growing up? What were you most drawn to, what was your calling, so to speak?

Unsurprisingly I wanted to become a writer, but I also wanted to travel. “Travel writer” would have been the obvious career choice, but growing up down in back-of-beyond, that path didn't even occur to me (believe me, I'm amazed I even thought of the option of travelling, given my elk-infested, humble beginnings). Instead I assumed I'd have to choose between travelling and writing, and guessing (fairly accurately) that I wouldn't become very rich as a writer, I chose to study tourism, so that I'd at least have the travel part of my career dreams sorted.

Said and done, I graduated with flying colours, from a ridiculously expensive, London-based, private tourism college, specialising in milking non-EU students for every penny, and as soon as legally possible (Sweden joined the EEA and subsequently the EU a year later), I began working in the UK travel industry. At first it was quite fun – I mean I did have a chance to read up on all the exciting places I was sending other people to AND find out all about the complicated ways in which airline tickets were issued. Just what I wanted, right? Wrong!

After a few years of slogging away in one of the least regulated and least unionised industries in the UK (the Swede in me was absolutely horrified about the latter part), work did get a bit more stable and I did get a few nice trips here and there, but one crucial fact remained: I was, quite blatantly, in the wrong job. I wanted to be a writer travelling the world and instead I was sitting at a desk in London, sending Tom, Dick and Harry and all sorts of other geezers and geezettes to exciting locations.

We all have the chance to listen to that little voice telling us we need to make changes, but usually we ignore it, rationalise everything and persuade ourselves that what we have, or where we're at “isn't really that bad”, or “it's all right” and “it could be worse”. I used this technique for about five years until suddenly it got worse. I developed debilitating RSI (repetitive strain injury) in both arms and could barely work, had to take repeated sick leave, or do other tasks, if such tasks could be found for me. The RSI stayed with me, as a chronic pain condition, for over four years and no physio, no rest, no treatments could cure it. My dream of becoming a writer was clearly all shot to hell – I couldn't even type anymore.

Despite my body screaming at me to make changes, to follow my dreams and not stay stuck in some boring desk job I didn't even want in the first place, I simply didn't get it. I thought it was a sign that my dreams were over, finished before I'd even tried to pursue them, rather than a wake-up call to do things differently. It took another couple of years and a more serious wake-up call before I took the steps that led me to where I am today (that's another blog post to come), but once I did, whosh, the RSI disappeared. Not overnight perhaps, but it's now been well over ten years since I've had any such pains and this despite typing non-stop over long periods of time. I'm not arguing that RSI can be cured this easily for everyone, but in my case spending my time doing what I actually wanted to be doing, did the trick.

Looking back, leaving my last travel industry job was easy, no one tried to stop me and quite possibly no one missed me. But what happens if, when trying to be true to ourselves, when trying to make changes that are right for us, we're faced with all sorts of outside pressures not to? What if my boss had tried to convince me that really I was the right person for the job and shouldn't leave? Or worse, that there really was no other person for the job and the entire business would crumble if I left? Sometimes it's hard to stand your ground in the face of fierce opposition. Faced with other people's agendas, being true to what's right for you sometimes becomes a battleground, whether their opposition is disguised as flattery and compliments, pleas and appeals, or downright threats and dire warnings. I probably stayed in some jobs longer than I should have, giving in to some, or all of, the above, but ultimately you always have a choice to take the steps that feel right for you, regardless of what anyone else might have to say about it. Incidentally the same holds true in personal relationships.