Tuesday, 6 October 2015

You deserve better

This summer I was privileged enough to see my favourite opera, Carmen, at Glyndebourne in East Sussex. I have to be honest and admit, despite the often glorious music, I find many of the storylines and characters far too dated and reactionary for my liking – that is, with the exception of that most feisty of characters; Carmen. She swishes and saunters onto the stage and you immediately get the impression that she rules, not just the local men, but her local world. Nobody messes with Carmen. This is a woman who knows what she wants and isn’t scared of grabbing it – she has confidence, beauty and brains. So of course she has to die.
More often than not, women like Carmen are killed off in movies, books and plays with such monotonous regularity that it’s almost funny. Or it would be if this sad fact wasn’t mirrored in real life.
The month of October is National Domestic Violence Awareness month and awareness clearly needs to be raised. Despite decades of feminism, dedicated help lines and crisis centres, thousands of women across the globe are still killed by their partners, spouses or male relatives, often for that same, age-old reason – for being themselves, for being women. Perhaps even for being confident, self-sufficient, strong women.
Domestic abuse and violence remain hidden, little-discussed crimes. Sure, we’ve all read about “those poor victims”, but have you ever had a frank conversation with a close friend about the abuse she’s suffered? I’d wager most of us have a female friend who has been in just such a scary situation, but who has chosen not to talk about it. Why is that? “Oh my god, can you believe she stayed in that relationship? What a stupid woman?” I don’t know how many times I’ve come across that statement, randomly in conversations – we do judge our sisters harshly.
But, believe me, stupidity has nothing to do with staying in a relationship that’s abusive. Love yes, initially, and then fear. I believe most of us don’t see ourselves as the kind of person who’d end up in an abusive relationship to start off with. Abuse of any kind is rarely overt at first – if on a first date the person suddenly slapped you in the face, for most people that would be the end of the date and the relationship would never get off the ground. No, abuse is sneaky, it starts off slowly a lot of the time, it waits until you have created some good memories together, until you have something invested in things working out. You hardly notice it at first, it’s subtle, but it starts to chip away at your confidence, at your self-worth, self-respect and self-esteem. You start changing things to keep the other person happy, you try a little bit harder, you explain yourself a bit more. Then, one day, a few months, or even years, down the line, you realise that all of a sudden, the happy, confident, open person you used to be, is just a little bit less – less happy, less confident, less open. And you know you’re in trouble.
If you’re spending your time dealing with aspects such as excessive jealousy, with your partner trying to control your every move, if you’re constantly explaining yourself and reassuring them, if your partner is beating you up, you’re not in a loving relationship anymore, you’re in a prison, with your partner as your guard. That is not what love is all about.
Broken bones heal, but rebuilding confidence and self-respect takes far more time and needs great support, but it is possible. It’s possible to create a new life away from abusive relationships.
If you read this, and you feel you are in an abusive relationship right now, this is for you:
You are not stupid, you are not weak, it is definitely not your fault and you do deserve better.




   

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